The Ministry of Unknown Science is Bigger Than God is CANCELLED!

As any glance through your daily newspaper will prove, the American scientific community is under attack by the forces of disenlightenment.  It should come as no surprise to anyone, really; weak minds often fear that which they cannot understand.
 
We at the Ministry of Unknown Science are well aware of this.  It is why we have always chosen to keep the location of our laboratory secret… and why we have deployed redundant layers of horribly-beweaponed Killbots to patrol the lab’s perimeter. 
 
In today’s America, however, Killbots are no match for lawyers.
 
Today, your Ministers received a “cease-and-desist” order from a bunch of people who unfortunately also function as our self-described “land lords.”
 
They complained of great crowds of people bustling in and out of our lab, weekend after weekend.  They complained of excessive noise.  They complained of our flagrant disregard for such outmoded concepts as “dance hall permits” and “fire safety regulations.”
 
What these people do not understand – *cannot* understand – is that these “offenses” are the necessary by-products of mankind’s most sacred goal: the pursuit of scientific knowledge!  Well, maybe that’s mankind’s second most sacred goal, right after getting laid.  But anyway, when you’re talking goals, the knowledge thing is *totally* way up there.
 
Great crowds of people appeared at our labs because they hunger for knowledge!  The “noise” was the sound of their joyous cheers, celebrating The Ministry’s genius and the wonders of science!
 
As for our lack of “permits,” we considered responding to the cease-and-desist order with a document of our own, detailing the myriad ways in which scientists of the past bucked traditional convention on their way to discoveries which ultimately benefitted all humanity.  Does the name “Galileo” ring a bell, motherfuckers?
 
We also considered launching our vast cache of idiot-homing ICBM’s at our “land lords."
 
But the latter would result in a nightmarish holocaust of bloodshed.  And the former would deprive us of valuable “getting stoned” time.
 
So it is with great sadness and barely-concealed rage that we have chosen to fight another day.  The remaining three presentations of “The Ministry of Unknown Science Is Bigger Than God” are hereby cancelled.
 
Seriously.
 
But fear not!  Your Ministers are actively pursuing new and more fabulous lab space, far from the prying eyes of morons.  Stay tuned to this email list for further updates.